iDon't
by SkyeNite
Summary: A series of drabbles from Sam's POV iDon't own iCarly
1. iDon't Care

I have never seen her that drunk before… that mad. That stupid deadbeat just had to come waltzing into that store. She only goes shopping like once a month! And he just had to come in the same time she was in there. That loser just had to ignore her too. The mother of his child. Me. I never cared about him, anyways. But she did. The lowlife just had to walk out on her when she was pregnant. Leave the state too. So now he thinks he can just move back to the city with his fake idea and expect us to never notice him! I feel bad for her, really. She really loved him. Even though he was worthless. Even though he's more irresponsible then me. She really loved him. Why couldn't he just love her back! Why couldn't he just grow up and deal with having a kid! No. He decided he doesn't want that responsibility and just leaves… So when we got home she guzzled down every bottle of whiskey in the house. I'm surprised she didn't die of alcohol poisoning before she could… before she… did that to me… Stupid skunk bag. 'It's your fault!' she tells me 'It's all your fault! If it wasn't for you he would have stayed!' I don't care. I know it wasn't my fault. It's his fault. It's his fault for being to afraid to take care of a baby. It's his fault for being to lazy to get a job to support a baby… or to greedy to do it even if he did get a job. It's her fault too. Her fault for not using birth control or protection or something. Her fault for not just getting an abortion. Not like I care if I lived or not. My life sucks any how. I have no future. Nothing to live for. If wasn't for Carly. For iCarly. And… Freddie. He's one more reason why I wouldn't care if I wasn't alive. Always pinning over Carly. Complementing Carly. Starring at Carly. Following Carly. Obsessing over Carly. Why can't he just get over her! Why can't he… I guess I'm like my loser mother that way. Wanting someone who doesn't want you back. I hate myself for that. I hate myself for feeling like this over Freddie of all people. I hate myself for being like my mother in any way. I hate myself for being shocked when she hit me. For being too shocked to stop her from doing it again. Two punches too many. At least I'm not like my mother when it comes to fighting. I'm much better at it than her. It'll probably be a few hours before she wakes up. By then she'll be sober. Maybe try to apologize. I don't really care. I kind of understand anyways. After all the whole reason I abuse Freddie is because I'm mad at him. For loving Carly and not-

"Sam?"

Speak of the devil. Figures. I wasn't even paying attention to where I was going. I'm not even sure where I am now. Yet somehow I manage to run into him like some unknown force was guiding me or something. Stupid unknown force.

"Hey Fred-weird, whats up?"

"Sam? What happened to you?"

"Well if you must know, my mom decided it would be a good idea to take out her frustrations about my dad leaving her on me in a fit of violence. She was wrong."

"What?"

"Well I suppose it wasn't entirely fair because she was drinking and passed out half way through the fight but-"

Wow. Is he? Hugging me!? The nerve he has! Treating me like I'm some damsel in distress. Like some cry baby that needs comforting! Ha! I said I won the fight. Ok so maybe I'm a little bruised and bloody but I was caught off guard. I don't care. He's lucky I don't give him a wedgie for thinking that I would care about something like that! Big deal. So my mom regrets having me because my dad never wanted me and didn't stick around to take care of me. So neither of them care! So! I don't either! So- why is my face wet? OH My God! I can't be… crying? But I don't care! I don't care.

"I don't care…"

"I do."


	2. iDon't Want to Think About It

I wish Carly would've answered her phone. This is the last place I want to be right now. After that… I can't believe… I'm getting weak. I think Fredward is rubbing off on me.

"Here."

Chili my to-go bowl? I didn't even realize we were at the drive through. One of my favorite comfort foods. Extra spicy. My favorite. Maybe its not such a bad thing he picked me up. I wonder why Carly didn't…

"Carly's phone broke."

"what?"

"You probably called her first right…"

Mind reader much.

"… when?"

"Just a few hours ago, she dropped it in the sink. She was still blow drying it out when I went back home."

"Oh,"

And queue awkward silence. I hope he doesn't try to ask me what happen… I really don't want to talk about it… or think about it. I just want to be by myself. I don't want to go home. I don't want to stay here… but I don't want to be by myself. I just… I don't want to talk about it. I don't want think about it. I don't want to acknowledge that it ever happened. I really don't want to see his face in school tomorrow…

I wish… we could just… drive… until I say stop…

"You know… I don't have to take you home… Not right now… we could just… drive. Until you say stop."

Stupid mind reader. I really hate it when he does that… but I'm really glad he does…

"Just say when Sam."


	3. iDon't Have a Reason to Smile

And here comes my name. All those kids going up on stage grabbing their diplomas and then walking past a small group a adults clapping and screaming and smiling like they were a bunch of fan girls who just saw their favorite star. Taking pictures while the kid does some kind of pose rather silly or proud and serious. All those kids get up their and look into the audience at another smiling face staring back… But I don't. The day I though would never actually happen and she… forgot.

"Samantha Puckett."

Queue systematic clapping of every one in the audience only because Mrs. Lubert-Briggs threaten to take away their diplomas if she saw someone not clapping. ugh the thought of Ms. Briggs and Lubert together still freaks me out. And now grab my diploma, or the blank sheet of paper that represents my diploma, and look out in to the audience with a smile, except mine, unlike everyone else's, is directed at no one. Just a pointless smile that completely contradicts what I feel right now.

But… is that…? Maybe… I do have a face to look at after all, just not my Mom's. But… I think I like this face better anyways.

'Congratulations' he's mouthing

'Thank you, Freddie.'


	4. iDon't Mind

It's funny. Laying here in the back seat of his care under an unnecessary about of blankets. I'm… peaceful. Ugh. And there he goes texting me again. Maybe I shouldn't answer. Nah, then he would just try and sneak out to see if I was ok. I don't know why he's worrying so much. His car is locked. And his windows are everything proof since his WAY too over protective psycho mother bought the car for him. There's no possible way anyone could break in. Though I must admit. Its kinda nice having some one really worry for once, at least since Carly decided to go to that out of state college. I really miss her.

This car… it reminds me of all of the lowest points In my life, yet… its just that, that makes me feel so… at peace.

When I was dating that guy and he… Tried to… go farther then I wanted to… he almost… of course he ended up with a broken leg but it was in this car that Freddie pick me up when Carly didn't answer her phone.

When my Prom date stood me up, It was Freddie who pulled up at my door to make sure that the 'rare opportunity to see Samantha Puckett in a dress' wasn't passed up.

When I thought I was going to fail English and not graduate with the rest of my class, it was in this very backseat that Freddie sat helping me study for our final.

When my mom didn't want to come to the graduation ceremony early it was Freddie who drove me there.

And when she forgot to come entirely it was he who drove me home. But not before stopping at All-You-Can-Meat for a celebration dinner, his treat.

When I flunked out of college he came and picked me up. He drove me to his dorm when my mom refused to take me in and even though he could of gotten in A LOT of trouble. He let me stay there with him. At least until now when his perverted room mate had to go and tell on us. I kinda want to tell Freddie that it was him who told, That he did it because he got mad that I wouldn't sleep with him… but, I don't know. I just don't want to say that out loud. I'm not sure why. Doesn't matter I'll get back at him tomorrow. Perhaps I'll pull a classic and run his underwear up the flag pull. But I think I'll add a twist… like perhaps he should still be wearing them. Hahahah, Oh yah that's what I'll do. Whats that? Is Freddie…

"Look I know you can protect yourself, probably a lot better than I could protect you but still… I would just feel better if I stayed out here with you, I can just curl up in the front seat."

"Well its better than you texting me every five minutes."

"Sorry… Sorry about… everything… this whole thing… I'll figure out something tomorrow I promise. You'll have a bed to sleep in tomorrow. I'll make sure of it."

"I really don't mind you know."

"Mind what?"

"Sleeping here… if I had too for a while. I wouldn't mind. It's… peaceful."


End file.
